S.M.A.R.T Goals

A friend of mine , Alex Lightman, once asked me why I never set goals. I said it was because I didn't ever want to be disappointed in the lack of outcome.

I've realized over the last few months that in fact I had the wrong definition of 'goal' in my mind.... I based the idea on unrealistic mental requests for control of situations I had no control over. I'd heard of the term S.M.A.R.T. Goal before but it didn't crystalize for me until recently when I realized that all my significant successes were based on simple, measured, ambitious, realistic, time-bound ideas.

For example, I had declared to myself and those around me that I would have my first big art show after completing 50 pieces. The big art show is coming up at the beginning of next month and I have completed 50 pieces.

I was challenged by Alex to climb the equivalent of Mt. Killamanjaro (36 miles at 10% incline) on my treadmill desk in the month of June. I came within 1.5 miles of completion and would have completed it if we weren't off to Tofino for a week on the 28th. This month it is Mt. Everest (55 miles at 10% incline). Apparently the space station would be 2300 miles at 10% incline. Break it down in to quantifiable amounts and I'll get there too. :-)

I've set a 3 year goal at my restaurant to become fully Ocean Wise certified and we are almost there. I've set a weight goal of 180 pounds in one year, already 17 pounds closer to the goal.

The point is, setting goals and then working at them consistently results in massive achievements that never would have been possible without some guidelines; specifically SMART goals. Now that I have my head fully wrapped around this significant tool just about anything seems possible. Try it out. Something simple. Every day. Keep going. Get there. Do it again. It is the foundation of just about every success on this planet.

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Shadow Work II

I came within an inch of painting over this piece in the beginning. It was making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Thankfully, one of the skills I've been developing is if a situation, conversation, music or image makes me uncomfortable, guaranteed it will lead to an enlightenment if I can just bare to follow the feelings through to their source.

Once I made the decision not to fight, the wall dropped and the flow began and I was able to clearly identify the forms and colours. In choosing to not fight, to only accept and give vent to that which needed venting I was able to witness my shame, my darkness, my dishonesty, my deviousness, my gluttony, my inadequacy. As I brought each one out a little release happened. At one point while I was working I started to bark like a monkey in complete satisfaction. Seriously!

It gave me great joy to have found the courage to declare these shadows. Too many times they have simmered like a volcano and eventually exploded if I didn't give them vent. How many times have I sabotaged myself and others in this desperate pursuit of denial?

Not this time.

Mankind Project - New Warrior Training Adventure

I am a member and huge believer in the Mankind Project and its initiation experience, the New Warrior Training Adventure. The processes and understandings I gained during my weekend showed me how to plant my feet firmly on the ground as a man among men and every day since then I sit more in my power. The following is an email that was passed through the MKP community in regards to getting men on board for the next NWTA in our area. Camp Pringle, Shawnigan Lake, BC in April of 2012. With Boyson Hodgson's permission I am offering this as an excellent window in to the MKP process:

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Hey men,

 Someone asked me the other day what I needed around marketing in the project ... 

My answer to him was that I needed more men willing to drop the shame and take a stand for the work we do. 

 

Here is what that means to me:

 

You CAN'T understand the NWTA until you attend it. 

You CAN'T compare your other experiences, because there isn't another one like it.

 

There are many imitations. There are many organization that try to do what we do without going as far as we are willing to go.

 

The power of the NWTA is that we took a stand ---- that we would be the ones to push the boundaries and challenge a man's comfort zones ---- even KNOWING that we would piss him off. We ask a man to go to the edge and often beyond it and STAY THERE until he gets what he came to get. We ask a man to do whatever it takes in a culture that only asks for what a man 'is comfortable with'That is the gift. As uncomfortable, ridiculous and sometimes cheesy as I may think it is, the gift of the NWTA is that it takes men to a place where every lesson can be relearned, where wounds can be healed, and where a man can find his voice after unpacking all the bullshit he keeps in his life to cover it up. 

 

And the NWTA is NOT the 'end-all, be-all' of personal growth. [we shouldn't pretend it is!] There are lots of experiences that will help a man grow and deepen his wisdom, abilities and tools. But I would submit that the NWTA is Emotional Manhood 101, it is the PREREQUISITE training that will help a man access his own personal store of power, power that will take him anywhere he wants to go. The NWTA is a foundation for personal growth. Its intensity means a whole lot less time wasted down the road doing remedial work. When you learn how far you can actually push yourself - surrounded by other men - when you learn what you are capable of feeling through your entire being - and can share it with other men - then you are in the best position possible for YOUR next step. 

 

I was doing 400 level reading before I did the NWTA. I had done other workshops, been in therapy, been in groups, I had 'gotten it' a dozen times. And yet I still hadn't learned some absolute fundamentals to growing into mature manhood ... because the 400 level courses can't teach them. 

 

Because they CAN'T be taught without the kind of cauldron that we build for the NWTA. No Guru can match it. Tony Robbins can't touch it. And G*d can't answer our prayers for it. It takes a community of men. It take A LOT of men. Messed up, beautiful, wounded, brilliant, mature, childish, growing men willing to stand firm and assist other men. It takes men willing to look one another in the eye when it is REALLY hard to do so, men who have heard everything shameful and hidden that a man tries to hide. Men who have seen other men collapse and be reborn. 

 

That is the NWTA. We are not perfected beings. We're not a church, a club. or a 'secret' cult.

We're the container that will hold any putrid, bubbling, poisonous potion of manhood and help it to transform into something sustaining and nurturing. 

We're the container that will hold any golden elixir of empowered and compassionate humanity and help it shine and be shared with the world.

 

And if a man is willing to complete his initiation ... which means coming BACK from the experience and taking a place in a community of men with continuing commitment to his own self-discovery and responsibility ... then we DO change the world. 

 

As one of our pioneers in this work has said often ... it's time to grow the fuck up. 

Time to stop pampering ourselves and each other. 

Time to stop letting our culture of toxic masculinity off the hook.

Time to stop expecting that someone else is going to step up and teach the next generations of boys what it means to be mature men.

Time to stop letting ourselves off the hook in our own immaturity, denial and ignorance.

Time to stop hiding out ashamed of what we ourselves needed in order to heal and grow.

 

Growing up means going beyond what I'm comfortable with. 

Like a first bike crash, a first fight, a first fall, a first broken bone - it's painful, sometimes it's bloody, and it leaves a scar. 

New Warriors are willing to be wounded - knowing that their lessons come from their wounds. 

 

My scars teach me and remind me, remind me what I am capable of. 

 

So when will we stop hiding out in shame about what we experienced from Friday to Sunday?

 

Love and Service, 

Boysen

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Here's a picture of the men who were part of my NWTA. I count every one of them as a brother who I can get real with right now.

Camp Chilliwack, October 2011

‎"Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." — Miguel Ruiz

Found this via Ingrid.

My Impeccable Reverie ~ i.am.Jenius

The Fisherman

Transient

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.